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This is a place to look at the humorous side of life and laugh at the everyday things we all go through and also just a view of my twisted impression on some things. Have fun and enjoy!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Get the heck out of the way - I have pizza!

So I guess I have to admit I'm a Twilight fan. I'm not one of those crazy all consumed fans though - I'm really not even an average fan. I read the books to make sure they were appropriate for my teen to read and it ended up taking me so long that she passed me by and finished way ahead of me. So I asked her if they were appropriate for me to read. She just rolled her eyes at me which is her standard response to anything I say or do.

I've never been interested in vampires and if I was stranded on a deserted island with a well stocked library housed inside a well stocked mansion, a vampire book would be the very last book I would read while floating on a raft in the pool watching the big screen tv.

Vampire and werewolf type of stuff is not my cup of tea. With that said, I would rate myself as not your average fan but your below average fan of Twilight. The Twilight series is great - don't get me wrong - I love it but I'm a below average fan of vampire anything. I'm a vampire and werewolf bigot and believe me, I know the risk I'm taking by publicly admitting that but I'm an above average fan of garlic and I'm making a necklace out of it this minute.

We watched Twilight today for the 50 millionth time and watching the scene where Jasper first meets Bella was funny. The look in Jasper's eyes was so crazy I had to laugh. What you're supposed to think is that Bella's blood smells so good to Jasper the vampire that he has to restrain himself not to jump her and suck her blood out that very second.

The whole scene has always seemed silly to me when I see the wild look in Jasper's eyes but today I had an aha moment when I realized why Jasper looked so out of his mind when he saw and smelled Bella.

I thought of my dog and that famous poster of a bunch of dogs sitting around a table playing poker. So I picture doggy boy sitting there with all his friends playing poker and having a great time when in walks a hot, juicy steak on the arm of another male dog friend.

There is no poker game, there's no friends, there's no air in the room to breathe. All there is is that wonderful aroma that the dogs want to rip into.

To the dogs, the scent of the steak in the room is the same feeling I have when I'm starving and driving home from the pizza place with that hot pizza scent filling the car - I almost lose my mind. I always wonder how I make it home without getting a ticket.

I speed without even realizing it. I'll cut through gas stations, parking lots, Mardi Gras parades, the running of the bulls, street name it. If I had to go 100 miles an hour over a ramp and jump 5 side by side cars to get home and eat that pizza, I would do it. If I had to jump the Grand Canyon...okay, you get the point.

I'm not myself when I smell the aroma of pizza. I turn into some half crazed mythical unicorn dragon beast who was bred from Evel Kneivel and Mario Andretti. Really? Two men? Yes, really. We're talking ANYTHING is possible here folks. Yes, I will even fly home if need be. I don't know how but I know I have it in me.

If you're a bank robber and need to escape, get in my car with a hot pizza. I wonder if I should put an ad in the paper offering my services as a robbery driver so I can get free pizzas. I should have thought of that a long time ago. In my pizza crazed beast state, I'd probably do it.

So now I understand Jasper's crazed look at Bella and don't think it's so funny anymore because I've seen that look on myself when I pick up our pizza. Buckle up baby because we're taking those corners on two wheels so I can get home and rip into that pizza.